Artivels Undescribable Perfection

Lancoor A very feeble attempt at affirmatie action

Patience Watson One of those movie experiences that is so good it makes you realize you've been grading everything else on a curve.

Derrick Gibbons An old-fashioned movie made with new-fashioned finesse.

Sam Panico By 1981, all manner of slasher had been slashed. From dates on the calendar to holidays to high school, college, probably every trade schools, if you could kill someone someplace on some special day, there was a great chance that cinemas, drive-in and video stores had documented evidence of the murders. But a track team getting offed? What a twist!At one of their track meets, star runner Laura Ramstead collapses at the finish line, pushed too hard by her coach and dying of exhaustion. Soon, her sister Anne is on leave from the Navy, back home with the mother and stepfather she desperately wanted to leave behind.Meanwhile, a killer is wiping out the track team one by one, complete with giallo-like black gloves and a stopwatch. With each kill, he or she uses bright lipstick to cross another member off of the team's photo. If Anne has gloves just like the killer, is it all a coincidence? Hmm?There are all manner of people of interest, from Kevin, Laura's boyfriend, to Dolores (Linnea Quigley!) the team's bad girl and Principal Gugilone (Michael Pataki, who is in almost every movie that we watch), who has a stopwatch and plenty of knives in his desk drawer. And oh yeah, Coach Michaels (Christopher George, Gates of Hell/City of the Living Dead, Day of the Animals, Mortuary, Pieces, pretty much every movie that I watch that doesn't have Michael Pataki in it, so this is a rare crossover), who isn't allowed to coach any longer, despite the fact that it was a blood clot that really killed Laura.Hey look! There's Vanna White as a school bully! And more dead bodies! Soon, Kevin and Coach Michaels get into a huge argument over who the killer is, but the cops get there and shoot the wrong guy. Yep, it's Kevin and he has Laura's corpse all made up in her graduation cap and gown. He also has a sweet Vampirella poster on his wall.A fight ensues and Anne ends up pushing Kevin into spikes - but not before body after body is revealed. That night, he comes back to kill her - an undead version of him at least - but it's all a dream. It's just her asshole stepfather, which makes it even easier to leave the town behind forever.I ended up liking this one way more than I thought that I would. It has some elements of style, plenty of gore and lots of ridiculous moments, like a bed of spikes killing a high jumper. Plus, there's a heavy metal concert with the band Felony, a roller disco scene and a combination football/knife murder weapon. Truly, something for every member of the family to enjoy.

happyendingrocks This fairly standard slasher offering is bolstered significantly by a splendidly macabre final twist, which is sufficient in itself to ensure that Graduation Day stands out amidst the crop of early-80's splatter fare surrounding it.The whodunnit aspect of Graduation Day is well-executed, and the film rolls out an impressive roster of suspects without putting a neon "It's Me!" sign on any of them. If you eliminate the most obvious red herrings, it's not impossible to pin down who the killer is, but the guessing game holds its power for most of the film, lending G-Day a bit of credibility as a genuine thriller.Certainly, there are some elements here that are beyond silly. The bulk of the credit sequence plays out like the extended opening titles for a sitcom about homosexual high school Track & Field athletes. One victim meets her fate while shaving her legs over the sink in the locker room, because teenage girls apparently routinely take their razors to school with them so that they can shave there. The multiple appearances of the killer in full fencing gear are bound to elicit a chuckle or two, and while I'd have to check my DVD collection, I'm pretty sure I've never seen a less intimidatingly-appareled screen psycho. The "death by football" sequence must be seen to be believed, and since it's tied in with the murderer's uniquely benign garb, it unfolds as one of the more absurd killings ever portrayed in a slasher movie.Special mention has to go to Felony, who are by far the most atrocious band to ever appear in a splatter film, and are also a legitimate contender for most atrocious band ever, period. Their song "Gangster Rock" occupies a full six minutes of the film's running time, and the two murders that take place during this epic performance lose much of their mojo because of the prominence of the tune in the foreground.Appearances by Vanna White and Linnea Quigley may be of minor interest to some viewers, although White's major scene spotlights some of the worst acting you'll ever see, and it's hard not to giggle when you hear the future Wheel Of Fortune letter-turner utter the timeless line, "you scared me so bad I wet myself." Quigley's presence is somewhat confusing since her character is played at other times in the film by another actress (apparently the other girl wasn't okay with the nude scenes her role required, so Quigley was called in to pinch strip).The film incorporates a fair amount of intentional humor into the mix, some of which is surprisingly funny. Even the most seasoned slasher film buff probably hasn't seen a movie that features a high school security guard who hides joints in the chambers of his revolver, so Graduation Day definitely gets a point or two for originality.The splatter is fairly minimal here, and the murky camera work renders most of the carnage unfortunately vague. Only one of the murders shows any sort of ingenuity, but it actually makes the least sense in the scheme of the film (how exactly does a vengeful murderer procure a platform of razor sharp spikes and hide it beneath a pole vaulter's landing mat without the intended victim noticing?). The gore effects are strictly bargain basement, and the film's non-existent budget is plainly evident, especially during the more graphic kills.It's hard to gauge how strongly the deranged and stunning denouement will resonate with today's audiences, but that shocking game-changer is by far the most potent element in the film. Even if you guess who the maniacal fencer is before the big reveal, this last bit of sickness is an effective and chilling punctuation mark on an otherwise rote slasher outing.The film goes on about seven minutes too long, and Graduation Day would be far more effective if it concluded with the morbid gut-punch mentioned above. The final showdown with the killer seems tacked on and cliché now, and a little ambiguity would have served the film well.However, Graduation Day is a very enjoyable offering despite itself, and the end result certainly doesn't settle anywhere near the bottom of the 80's splatter movie barrel. Bloodier and far superior films have nurtured this basic plot line to true greatness, but if you've seen all of those, this fun and deliciously skewed outing is a worthy way to spend 90 minutes.

Vomitron_G I can't really say I just saw a good film here. As a slasher, it does sort of deliver the goods. In this case, that's a handful of typical & mildly enjoyable kills, a little bit of gore left & right, and Linea Quigley running around exposing her breasts. Not once, but twice. It's about the members of a high school sporting team getting offed one by one. Who on earth could be such a maniac and why is he or she doing this? Honestly, the plot doesn't do a very good job in trying to hide the identity of the killer, but the poor red herrings are quite amusing. "Graduation Day" turns out a bare bones teen slasher -- featuring a very lousy musical sequence with a very lousy band playing & also quite a bit of entertaining experimental cross-cutting -- that might still be worth it for fans of the same old slashing formula. I didn't mind watching it myself. Main highlights for me were a sword-through-the-throat kill and the clichéd 'Psycho-esque' climax at the end.

stiv-4 This movie was sheer, slow, plodding torture. Not being a fan of slasher films, and preferring classic horror, I may not be the best judge. Slasher fans may enjoy this as an early entry into the slasher genre. I really would like the 90 minutes I spent watching this back. The only reasons to watch this are 1) a young Vanna White (pre Wheel of Fortune) who has about 3 minutes of total screen time. 2) an early role by scream queen Linnea Quigley (with nudity), and legendary beauty EJ Peaker as the school secretary, who added a bit of humor and sex appeal. Otherwise, an 80's band called Felony makes an appearance, which while interesting, drags on WAY too long. Just like the movie.....I had to keep checking how much time was left and couldn't wait to "Graduate" to a better film.