ManiakJiggy This is How Movies Should Be Made

Skunkyrate Gripping story with well-crafted characters

Salubfoto It's an amazing and heartbreaking story.

Myron Clemons A film of deceptively outspoken contemporary relevance, this is cinema at its most alert, alarming and alive.

Woodyanders Vicious hoodlum David (a marvelously ruthless portrayal by Andy Serkis) and his bumbling wimp brother Peter (ably played to the sniveling hilt by Reece Shearsmith) decide to abduct Tracey (a fabulously feisty performance by Jennifer Ellison), who's the abrasive and foul-mouthed daughter of a powerful mobster. However, things don't go as smoothly as planned.Writer/director Paul Andrew Williams keeps the entertainingly off-center story moving along at a zippy pace, mines lots of laughs from a wickedly funny sense of pitch-black humor, delivers a few dandy and surprising macabre twists, and tops everything off with a handy helping of excessively gruesome gore. Serkis and Shearsmith display a winningly spiky chemistry as a pair of radically contrasting siblings; their spiky rat-tat-tat-tat sarcastic exchanges are an absolute hoot to behold. Steven O'Connell also excels as hopelessly inept bag man Andrew while Doug Bradley has a nice bit as a suspicious villager and Steven Beroff pops up in a cracking cameo at the very end. The sharp cinematography by Christopher Ross makes inspired use of the widescreen format. Laura Rossi's jaunty barnstorming score hits the spirited spot. A good'n'ghoulish blast.

christopher-underwood Bit of a surprise here as despite the suggestions of gore on the DVD box, this began much as expected as a low budget UK film with buffoon like characters botching up a rather ridiculous kidnap attempt. Andy Serkis is great as the lead loon and although many have expressed dislike at Jennifer Ellison's performance as the victim, I thought she was rather good, although I see she has made no more movies. Beginning then as some sort of TV film of a crazy messed up kidnap, this suddenly swerves into a full scale slasher spoof with an amazing amount of very nasty (though still amusing) gory effects. And beneath it all, instead of some polite little London clubland dispute we have a major Texas Chainsaw dimension horror (though just still maintaining some level of humour). Great effort and if the first part went on longer than it might and subsequently the gore section also seemed on the verge of outstaying its welcome, it is clear there is a film maker of some stature at work here and we shall see more. Hard one to pull off, horror and comedy.

WildestDreams The Cottage had a couple good things going for it. The acting is pretty solid overall and the soundtrack is excellent. The background music is classic 80's slasher horror orchestra, a real treat for horror fanatics. I wanted to love this movie, I wanted to like it, but it falls apart in so many aspects.One major problem is that the crazed farmer's face looks like a cheap plastic mask. He was supposed to have been disfigured in a farming accident, but the makeup is just horrible on him. Some cover-boy...The biggest downfall of this film is the lack of logic. I'll describe 2 of the many examples: A man has been stabbed through the leg with a pick ax. He pulls it out and tosses it aside, knowing full well he's in the middle of nowhere with a homicidal maniac chasing after him. Why wouldn't he keep the pick ax for a weapon?! He can't run away with that hole in his leg, and eventually the maniac comes chasing after him with that very same pick ax. How incredibly stupid is that?! Another laughable example of sloppiness: the Asian goon squad. Their actions are inexplicable and their motives are never explained. They appear to have been hired for a hostage negotiation and a possible hit, but they never attempt to make contact with the rest of the characters. All they do is creep around the cottage, even when there's ample opportunity to make a move. And they're armed with only hunting knives. What kind of assassins don't carry guns?! The top Netflix review says The Cottage is brilliant. I say, as the British might put it, its rubbish.

Scott LeBrun Things just won't go right for David (Andy Serkis) and his brother / reluctant partner-in-crime Peter (Reece Shearsmith). They've kidnapped Tracey (Jennifer Ellison), the daughter of an underworld kingpin, but, just to name one of their problems, their victim is awfully feisty and foul-mouthed. As things start to unravel, the characters end up going for a little stroll and end up in the domain of a deformed farmer (Dave Legeno) whose back of the beyond abode features the appropriate number of macabre touches.It's appreciable the way that this movie switches from dark crime comedy / farce to backwoods horror. Yet, commendably, writer / director Paul Andrew Williams keeps up the comedic tone all the way through the "horror" portions. It feels that he is poking gentle fun at trappings of the rural horror genre and the movie is all the better for it. Also, one of the most effective components of "The Cottage" is its cast of characters, their idiosyncrasies, and the way they interact with each other. For one thing, the very meek and mild Peter, an unlikely criminal indeed, who's dominated by his rather large wife, has a debilitating fear of moths.Serkis, better known as the motion capture specialist behind such characters as Gollum from the "Lord of the Rings" series, King Kong, and Caesar from "Rise of the Planet of the Apes", is terrific as the shady yet still rather likable David. He and Shearsmith share great chemistry and are believable as odd couple brothers. The energetic Ellison is a delight as she tries to cut her captors down to size. Steven O'Donnell is also fine as poor, bumbling Andrew; it's a real treat to see Doug "Pinhead" Bradley as the villager with the dog, this movie's equivalent of the "crazy old guy with a warning" character we've seen in movies such as "Friday the 13th".The movie is deliciously gory at times, and hysterical at the same time, as even the very violent bits of business are often played for laughs. (This also extends to the "It ain't over yet!" coda inserted after the closing credits.) When one gets a load of the farmer, it's just too hard not to laugh. This is a genuinely fun movie that moves along well to a priceless resolution.Steven Berkoff appears uncredited at the very end.Eight out of 10.