Plantiana Yawn. Poorly Filmed Snooze Fest.

CrawlerChunky In truth, there is barely enough story here to make a film.

Rosie Searle It's the kind of movie you'll want to see a second time with someone who hasn't seen it yet, to remember what it was like to watch it for the first time.

Marva It is an exhilarating, distressing, funny and profound film, with one of the more memorable film scores in years,

Paul Magne Haakonsen I happened to come across this movie by sheer blind luck, and of course this is a produced by The Asylum, who else would blatantly cash in on another movie with a similar plot, name and concept? After all, that is the trademark of The Asylum, is it not?"Snakes on a Train" is, no surprise here, a low budget cash in and rip off on the other just slightly better movie "Snakes on a Plane", also from 2006. You know, the movie with Samuel L. Jackson. However, "Snakes on a Train" takes places on a train - doh!The story is about two border jumpers from Mexico who are trying to get to Los Angeles in order to find a remedy for the ancient curse that is afflicting the woman border jumper. She is spewing out snakes, and these snakes turn rampart on the train, spreading havoc and mayhem.I will say that the storyline, with its subplots and attempts to incorporate various themes, failed ultimately more horrible than the fail in "Snakes on a Plane". The story in The Asylum's "Snakes on a Train" was just all the more laughable and badly executed. And it didn't really help the movie along in any sense that the characters were as hollow and wooden as the acting skills of those attempting to portray them."Snakes on a Train" is bad through and through. And not for a single moment did I believe that the movie was actually taking place on a locomotive train. Not even once did you get to look outside the windows in the train to see the passing by landscape and scenery. All windows were, oddly enough, semi-glossy and non-transparent.This movie is one to stay clear off, and it was a test of will to sit through this and keep watching it. I must admit that I eventually gave up and didn't finish the movie, because it was just that awful.

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shanestgermain I picked this DVD up for 3.99 at rogers video in order to get enough points to get a better movie for free. I never actually was planning on watching this but it started poking at my curiosity and i finally decided to pop in it the DVD player. The effects in this movie are horrible and cheap. Some of the dialog in this movie sounds like it was written by a swear happy 12 year old boy. The acting is really cheesy in some parts, and the "action" scenes are completely laughable. You'll burst out laughing at some parts which was a positive for me because it kept me mildly entertained. The plot is some girl has a curse on her which causes her to vomit snakes so some shaman has to get her to Los Angeles, there are also two girls trying to smuggle drugs there and a few other people that are unimportant to the plot, not that there really is a plot at all.Don't expect anything from this movie and don't listen to the cover, there are not 100 passengers and 3,000 vipers, there are 10 passengers and 20 random snakes.As for the DVD, there is a trailer which is almost as laughable as the film, a blooper reel which is just one shot over and over of one actor trying to say train, and the deleted scenes are really pointless, if they weren't good enough to stay in this movie they must be pretty bad. There is also a really bad making of featurette which doesn't really show much at all except that the people involved with this movie were kind of idiots. I can't recommend it unless you want a really bad movie that you can laugh at with friends. I give it 2 kitty cats out of 5.

Woodyanders Ladies and gentlemen, we've really got ourselves a winner here. Actually we don't, but boy is this film an often hilarious and always entertaining horrible hoot of a stinker. Poor Alma (fetching Julia Ruiz) is suffering from an ancient Mayan curse that causes lethal poisonous snakes to grow inside of her body. Alma and her deranged shaman husband Brujo (Alby Castro, who feverishly overacts with delicious eye-rolling intensity) stowaway on a train that's bound for Los Angeles. Naturally, a bunch of deadly vipers get lose so they can terrorize the motley assortment of passengers. The Mallachi Brothers, working from an absurd script by Eric Fosberg, treat the ridiculous premise straight, thereby creating a wonderfully wretched piece of deliriously campy cheese. The cruddy CGI effects, the pathetically unfrightening common variety Gardner snakes (there's would-be scary rattlesnake noises added to the soundtrack to imbue them with a faint sense of otherwise nonexistent menace), the plodding pace, the total dearth of any tension or momentum, the obvious rickety stage-bound train set, and especially the simply astonishing "you gotta be kiddin' me!" over-the-top preposterous ending are all downright awesome in their very jaw-dropping awfulness. Better still, we also got game (if lame) acting from a no-name cast, a nice smidgen of tasty gratuitous female nudity, a funky hum'n'shiver score, and plenty of extremely gross and grotesque make-up f/x. Bonus points for the fact that the token irritatingly cutesy little girl gets eaten by a large reptile and for the stoner engineer who gets caught smoking crack out of a hollow light bulb (!?). An absolute gut-buster of a kitsch howler.