Executscan Expected more

Fairaher The film makes a home in your brain and the only cure is to see it again.

Freeman This film is so real. It treats its characters with so much care and sensitivity.

Kimball Exactly the movie you think it is, but not the movie you want it to be.

Dries Vermeulen Acquired for distribution rather than produced by Harry Novak's sexploitation outlet Box Office International, THE TOY BOX stands out from his catalog through sheer weirdness. An unholy hybrid of horror 'n' hooters, it was both written and directed with remarkable disregard for either common sense or continuity by Ron Garcia, who would foist the sleazy slasher SWINGERS MASSACRE onto unsuspecting Times Square audiences before garnering mainstream credibility and respectability as DoP for both cinema (David Lynch's unfairly lambasted TWIN PEAKS : FIRE WALK WITH ME) and TV (GILMORE GIRLS, of all things). For fans of the unwrapped female form, it also happens to contain one of the more impressive line-ups of soft-core starlets the era had to offer.Honorary members of the swingin' set, big-haired boozy blonde Donna (Ann Myers, from the Don Davis flicks SWAMP GIRL and THE GOLDEN BOX) and her mustachioed man Ralph (Sean Kenney, who was in Bill Levey's endearing SLUMBER PARTY '57, rarely referenced beyond being the skeleton in Debra Winger's closet) are rehearsing the little psycho drama they will perform for the benefit of portly middle-aged peeper "Uncle" at his next gathering of money-grabbing sleaze balls, who receive monetary compensation in accordance to the excellence of their dirty display. Having possibly faked his own death, "Uncle" sits propped up in a chair and still talks in some weird disembodied voice without moving his lips, providing the ultimate thankless role for scuzzy character actor Jack King, who appeared in the man-eating carpet from outer space classic THE CREEPING TERROR as well as Joe Robertson's oddity MRS. STONE'S THING, best remembered for co-starring the incomparable Ed Wood as a decidedly frumpy cross-dresser. Most of the movie consists of little groups of people coming in, performing their brain-fried party piece and getting paid. Swedish sex starlet supreme Uschi Digard takes top honors for the indescribably strange spectacle of being pawed by an overly amorous bed. Yep, you read that right ! The preposterously tasteless necrophilia production number that has a butcher taking liberties with corpse Maria Arnold (a lovely brunette who made the occasional foray into fornication film territory with Lowell Picket's COZY COOL and Mike Weldon's GETTING OFF) surely ranks as a runner-up in the "I can't believe I just saw that" sweepstakes.And so it goes, with little rhyme or reason. Ostensibly taking place in a locked-up mansion, one sequence occurs in the great outdoors even though characters have already been getting antsy about being trapped inside ! People die inexplicably, sometimes to be "magically" resurrected late in the proceedings, with parts of them (heads, usually) popping up at various places in the house for cheap shock value. Eventually, all is explained in a final revelation so jaw-dropping, pushing the film headlong into science fiction territory, you will find yourself wondering just what substance Garcia was on while concocting this mess, at its most magnificent when it makes no sense whatsoever, and where you might get ahold of some ! He seems to have literally thrown in anything he could think of to make an impression on what was clearly a shoestring budget, whether it made sense or not, well, usually not, as you have surely understood by now. It's exactly that "anything goes" motto that kept me watching, completely at a loss as to what to expect next. This doesn't necessarily make for what's traditionally considered a "good" movie as it's positively riddled with amateur acting and production shortcomings, neither of which should seriously detract from audience enjoyment by the way. Sex scenes are long and reasonably graphic though still on the safe side of simulation with a formidable female cast that further includes such true fan favorites as ravishing redhead Debbie Osborne (from Corey Allen's comparably twisted EROTIC ADVENTURES OF PINOCCHIO), curvaceous Kathy Hilton (among A.C. Stephen's COCKTAIL HOSTESSES), blond beauty Casey Lorrain (who went all the way in Richard Robinson's ADULTERY FOR FUN AND PROFIT) and a sadly under-employed Marsha Jordan, uncrowned queen of the nudies, making up in acres of skin what the movie lacks in artistry or coherence.

john22900 It's the presence of Uschi Digard and Malta that make this film seeing at all. I wonder if this was the first erotic simulated sex combination horror scifi film. One thing is for sure, it's one of the weirdest wildest erotic films ever made. It plays like an x-rated twilight zone or outer limits episode. The actresses have great bodies especially Uschi and Malta. Marsha Jordan also makes a brief appearance in the orgy scene but don't blink or you'll miss her. It even borrows part of its film score from (are you ready for this) the original INVADERS FROM MARS (the classic scifi movie of the 50's!) The orgy scene is done pretty well. I'm not really giving anything away here because in every erotic film of this period there were orgy scenes and in some movies there were even two or three such scenes. Uschi has a great body and her two scenes are very erotic. The first one she basically is masturbating on top of a bed with (we assume) a guy under the sheets to make us believe the bed she is on is possessed. The second scene she is in is the orgy scene where she is having simulated sex, riding on top of a guy.

movieman_kev Ralph and Donna go to "Uncle's" house where they meet many other like-wise pervs hoping to please "Uncle" enough to get something from his toy box.Pretty much a flimsy excuse to show softcore hippie porn. Pretty boring to sit through, save for one scene with Russ Meyer's Uschi Digard as a buxom hippie who gets it on with a possesed bed. (yes it's as insane as it sounds) This movie is coupled with "Toys are Not for Children" on the Something Weird DVD.My Grade: C-DVD Extras: Art Gallery;2 short subjects ( the Toy Telephone Truck, & the Christmas Eves); Trailers for Toys are not for Children, the Toybox, The Exquisite Cadaver, Tales of the Bizzare, The Single Girls, Ann and Eve, The Depraved, Sextet, The Naked Countess, and Labrinth of Sex

gavcrimson Los Angles' Boxoffice International were truly the purveyors of some of the most unpredictable sexploitation movies ever conceived, and they didn't come much stranger than The ToyBox. Two swingers Donna and Ralph, along with a whole bunch of like minded individuals come to a castle run by `Uncle'. Uncle is a rich old man who rewards them for acting out some of their most out to lunch fantasies with a gift from the `Toybox' that always contains something they've always wanted. Its the fantasy scenes of `greedy people performing sex acts'that make up the film and what strange fantasies these folks have! One tubby guy fantasizes about women being hung up like butchers cuts who come back to life and hack him to pieces with meat cleavers. In what appears to be a parody of a German sex film, one long haired guy imagines himself and a girl running around speaking German, he puts on a scary mask and she kills him with a pitchfork. Uschi Digart, an actresses with big things in front of her turns up to get groped by a horny `Thing' like hand in a box (the latter scene really has to be seen to be believed). Donna and Ralph soon realise that things are far from normal- How does Uncle know what they're doing when he always stays in his room?, Why does he appear dead ? and why is he so lacking in the eyeball department! is it all part of an alien invasion? Soon severed heads start falling from the roof, people start dropping dead on the spot, a 50ft Woman and a glowing Kiss Me Deadly style case turn up as well. Never mind what 70's exploitation movie audiences made of this, today I can't imagine anyone watching The Toybox without thinking `what the hell is this?' What it is, is wonderfully disorientating. The Toybox also contains scenes that put most horror films of the time to shame, plus a spooky ending of Carnival of Souls proportions. Confusing? oh yes but far from the average softcore quickie its an almost impossible movie to classify- part Sci-Fi, part House on Haunted Hill and part skin flick as viewed through the eyes of someone on the verge of infinite madness. As for director Ron V Garcia he's more well known as a noted cinematographer on many movies (everything from Seventies sleaze to recent mainstream assignments) and has a good eye for the bizarre. Its a shame he didn't direct more movies, then again how could you top something like The Toybox?. It was as if Garcia wanted to create the most eccentric movie on the face of the planet, and he certainly had a good go ! The Toybox then is surely the best surreal Age of Aquarius sexpo overflowing with early Seventies craziness ever made.