Sam Panico
There are times that films feel like gift packages wrapped up for just me and my insane taste in movies. Let me tell you all of the ways that The Humanoid makes me want to fall to my knees and give thanks: it's an Italian ripoff of Star Wars directed by Aldo Lado (Who Saw Her Die?, The Short Night of the Glass Dolls) working under the pseudonym George B. Lewis, a name that sounds close to George Lucas. It's got Ivan Rassimov, the crazy eyed star of such B&S About Movies favorites as Planet of the Vampires, Shock, Your Vice Is a Locked Room and Only I Have the Key and All the Colors of the Dark as Lord Graal, the samurai helmet and black armor clad bad guy who is this film's Darth Vader. It's got James Bond henchman supreme Richard Kiel as Golob, a giant henchman who wears a jacket straight out of Brotherhood of the Wolf. It's got Arthur Kennedy (The Living Dead at Manchester Morgue) in it! And it starts with the same shot Star Wars does, with a giant ship filling the screen and a crawl of type. And much like Starcrash it transcends its inspiration to become an insane movie unto itself.Read more at http://bit.ly/2iTSgzw
Leofwine_draca
They say that familiarity breeds contempt, and that is definitely the case with this unassuming rip-off of STAR WARS, one of many similar Italian films spawned in the late '70s in their rush to make a quick buck off an American hit. Characters, subplots, effects, costumes - even the opening scrolling text - are ripped off wholesale in this predictable sci-fi outing, and it's a wonder that George Lucas didn't sue - but then again, I guess this wannabe "epic" wasn't exactly on wide release in the cinemas back in those days.Aldo Lado - the director previously responsible for such acclaimed gialli as SHORT NIGHT OF THE GLASS DOLLS and WHO SAW HER DIE? - is the man helming this puerile trash, and is seemingly unable to invest his scenes with any dynamism or energy whatsoever. However, there is one exception - the all-out action finale, which is basically a huge shoot-em-up between good guys and bad, with plenty of effects and madness going on to make it hugely entertaining. It's a shame it only lasts for ten minutes of the ninety, because if the entire film had been in this over-the-top and action-packed vein then it would have at least got a four - or even five - star rating. As it is, THE HUMANOID is a plodding, paceless, and even lifeless affair with cardboard-quality effects and unremarkable plotting which serves to waste the talents of a well-known cast.As in STAR WARS, there's a bunch of good guys all teaming up together to fight off the bad, and these include Princess Leia-wannabe Corinne Clery as the female lead and supposed love interest, although this film is definitely lacking in cheesy romance. Clery was a minor Italian actress of the period who later went on to star in Antonio Margheriti's equally tacky YOR - THE HUNTER FROM THE FUTURE. Here, she's totally unmemorable, apart from the one brief interlude in which she falls in a pool and her white dress suddenly becomes see-through - this, and another brief moment of nudity equal the film's sex content.Leonard Mann (who he?) is the totally unremarkable Luke Skywalker clone, a square-jawed curly-haired fresh-faced action star who is, quite frankly, pathetic, and the worst member of the cast. Then there's Richard Kiel, fresh from the success of MOONRAKER and taking a major role as a good-guy pilot who gets zapped by evil forces, mysteriously loses his beard, and becomes the old sticky-out-jawed hulking brute we all know and love, throwing people through windows and against walls as he goes on a short-lived rampage. The odd thing is that when he jumps into a pool, he returns to his old lovable self complete with a beard, seemingly grown in the space of only two minutes! Then there are the pair of somewhat respectable actors who really don't deserve to be seen in this mess. The first up is the always-beautiful Barbara Bach, as a big-haired evil spare vampiress who, like Ingrid Pitt in COUNTESS Dracula, is forced to have the blood of young women in order to retain her youth. Then there's Arthur Kennedy as an evil scientist whose diabolical plan is pretty pathetic. Exploitation stalwart Ivan Rassimov (DEEP RIVER SAVAGES) is Graal, a bad guy who costume so resembles that of Darth Vader that you wouldn't be able to spot which was which in an identity parade, but at least Rassimov is hidden behind a mask for the entire film to spare him the embarrassment of being seen - let alone heard, as his dialogue is frankly ridiculous.The biggest surprise is that the "old sage" role taken by Alec Guinness in STAR WARS has been replaced by Tom-Tom, an obnoxiously twee Chinese boy played by the unknown Marco Yeh! I don't know who thought it would be "clever" to replace the old with the young, but this annoying kid just takes the biscuit as he patronisingly deals out advice to our heroes. Shoot the little git! Finally, we have old-timer Massimo Serato (THE WILD, WILD PLANET) as the "Great Brother", a minor good guy role, and he inexplicably disappears halfway through anyway.As well as the undistinguished efforts of a familiar cast, there's also a worrying amount of familiar names in the crew of the film as well. Aside from director Aldo Lado, the usually stylish Enzo G. Castellari is credited as the second unit director, Antonio Margheriti contributes miniatures and effects work, goremeister Giannetto De Rossi is on hand with the makeup effects and Ennio Morricone, of all people, contributes the awful synthesiser music which is one of the film's lowest points. It's a shame that the combination of all this raw talent couldn't have been channelled into a beter film, but I guess everybody has their off days and somehow everyone's off day happened to be when making this film! Elsewhere, we have lots of tacky models flying about in a supposed space (they were wise to concentrate on ground-level action for the finale, is all I'll say), plenty of laser beams and shooting which is just about on a level with that in STAR WARS, a rubbishy robot R2D2-wannabe which is so bad it has to be seen to be believed (a scene in which this robot squirts robo-grease over the ground, causing all the bad guys to fall over, is the saddest in the movie), loads of enemy soldiers being decapitated in a row, bows which fire glowing blue arrows instead of light sabers, Rassimov shooting blue lasers out of his hands, too much shoddy back projection and poor blue-screen effects work, and a neck-breaking (I guess those exploitative Italians couldn't resist throwing in just a little violence). Although the last fifteen minutes is hugely entertaining, the rest of the film is sub-par making this a film for bad movie lovers only.
Paul Andrews
L'umanoide is set in the distant future where Earth is now know as Metropolis & is ruled by the Great Brother (Massimo Serato). Lord Graal (Ivan Rassimov), the evil brother of the Great Brother, escapes from a space prison & sends his men to steal a rare substance called Capitron from a research institute on Metropolis. Together with the evil scientist Dr. Kraspin (Arthur Kennedy) & the power hungry Lady Agatha (Barbara Bach) Lord Graal intends to use the Capitron to mutate ordinary people into invulnerable humanoids with which they intend to conquer the known Universe. Dr. Kraspin uses the Capitron on a friendly space pilot named Golob (Richard Kiel) who he then fits with a control device, now a hulking invulnerable humanoid Golob is sent to Metropolis to kill the Great Brother before a bomb loaded with Capitron is exploded in Metropolis' atmosphere turning all of humanity into an invincible army of humanoids...More commonly known as The Humanoid amongst English speaking audiences this Italian production was directed by Aldo Lado although on international posters (& the version I saw last night) the director is credited as George Lewis which is a rather obvious & unsubtle attempt to make him sound like George Lucas who of course directed Star Wars (1977) & which The Humanoid is a fairly blatant rip-off of. The only slight disappointment & oversight on the makers part is the title The Humanoid, how can you have a blatant Star Wars rip-off & not have the word 'Star' in the title? From the moment The Humanoid starts it sets it's stall out with the scrolling text that gives a little back-story while disappearing into the distant space or the very next shot of the huge triangular spaceship thing rumbling over the camera. There's the desert like planet, the strange 'Force' like power that kid has, the bad guy Lord Graal wears a Darth Vader helmet & matching quilted costume, there's a cuddly little comedy relief robot dog as well as a basic plot to take over the Universe. It's all here, the design of the costumes & spaceships is lifted straight from Star Wars, the character's are copycats & there's even a direct lifting of a scene as the hero blasts enemy fighters down from his own spaceship in gun turrets that are the same as those on the Millennium Falcon. The script is incredibly silly & childish, it doesn't even make that much sense either with a rather flat & plodding story. It needed a bit more life & energy really, everyone goes through the motions as you would expect & apart from the unintentional laughs the film can actually drag at times. One character is called Tom Tom, but he doesn't seem to give out driving directions.To be fair to The Humanoid the special effects are generally alright, some of the close-up shots of the model spaceships look crap (they look like plastic models with light-bulbs sticking out) but overall the optical & model work is alright. A lot of the space background shots look they are are static pages from a book as the camera doesn't move that much. Now, I have to ask the question what use is that robo dog thing? Seriously? What possible function does it have? It is the one aspect that looks really bad as it wags it's areal like a tail & makes funny noises every so often. The costumes are OK, they certainly don't look that bad or dated although the heavy black S&M overtones of Lord Graal's costume is a bit unnerving at times. The laser gun battles also look pretty good although there's no Lightsabre's here, no, Lord Graal just shots blue bolts of electricity out of his hands but it's close enough I suppose. Look, while models aren't as detailed as those in Star Wars & the costumes look a little generic The Humanoid is a surprisingly decent looking film. Personally I think a lot of the effects shots are more impressive than a lot of low budget CGI computer rendered crap seen these days.The IMDb says The Humanoid had a budget of about $7,000,000 & while I don't think it was quite that high I am pretty sure this did have some money spent on it & to be fair it does show. It's just a shame about that robot dog. This is quite hard to find these days, the version I saw had a Columbia Pictures logo before the credits & I doubt they are that interested in doing anything with it. Apparently filmed in Italy & Israel. The acting is pretty flt although the dubbing doesn't help.The Humanoid is a decent attempt at recreating Star Wars on a smaller budget & has it's moments, I certainly wasn't bored by the visuals & action at least even if the story did get a little tiresome by the end. Not a bad effort really although still a silly & sometimes unintentionally funny piece of sci-fi nonsense.
