loose_ends
I started watching this out of morbid curiosity and did not expect to last more than five minutes. But for some reason the train wreck effect took over, and I ended up watching all 90 minutes. Most of the discussion of this film is from people who have never seen it, so it was interesting to see the actual film.Firstly, much to my surprise, the film fails on its basic premise. Though much drama has been made about it being a "feature-length advertisement," the money spent to get the rights for real brand mascots was totally wasted. Brand mascots in the film are called "ikes" (short for icons), though that's never properly introduced (it just randomly starts happening partway through), and it doesn't sound right to me, so I'll just say "mascots." Well, mascots like Mr. Clean or Mrs. Butterworth might show up here or there, but their role in the film is so small they could be removed with no loss. Most of the film is spent focusing on original character mascots for fictional products.And even then, the premise still fails. Dex Dogtective, the lead character, is supposed to be a mascot for a cereal brand, but that's alluded to once at the beginning and never mentioned again. For some characters, such as the grotesque Cheazel T. Weasel, it's never mentioned what brand they're supposed to represent, and it's hard to imagine anyone would want to buy a product with him emblazoned on it. While the "brains" behind this film, Lawrence Kasanoff, cited Toy Story as his inspiration, he seems to have missed what made Toy Story effective. The story rests on the concept that our toys have feelings, and are conscious of the fact that, to us, they are merely toys. They still live and interact in the human world. The brand mascots in this world might as well be generic anthropomorphic animals, because apart from labeling themselves as such, their jobs as mascots have no effect on them. Even the world of the "ikes" doesn't resemble a grocery store in most scenes. They live a generic-looking city, which would never exist inside a grocery store, and does not resemble the same store during daytime hours.As the above implies, the characterization is lazy at best. Dog Dextective has two outfits: one Indiana Jones-esque uniform and one tuxedo that looks like something out of Film Noir. He switches between these two depending on if it's an action scene or a serious one. That seems to be the only attempt to give him personality; otherwise he's the generic male hero who's awesome because everyone says he is. His friend Daredevil Dan, the comic relief, is a chocolate squirrel voiced by Dwayne Brady. This character embodies so many racist stereotypes it's difficult to see how it was greenlit in the early 2000s. Most films do not do justice to female characters, but the lead two in this one are particularly bad. In history's most blatant invocation of the virgin/whore dichotomy, we have Sunshine Goodness (played by a 15-year-old Hilary Duff), who is so sickly-sweet and innocent, she is basically a child. Then we have Lady X, played by Eva Longoria, who parades around in fetish wear with come-hither eyes as she tries to seduce Dex. The fact that a 15-year-old was cast to play the primary love interest of 37-year-old Charlie Sheen only adds to the grossness of it all.And then there's the plot. I never expected the sheer weirdness of it. At first the concept seems simple enough: a nefarious man named Mr. Clipboard is trying to take over the store with his brand called Brand X, and the "ikes" need to get together and stop him. But before we know it, the Brand X mascots turn into literal Nazis, complete with gas chambers and German accents, and try to commit genocide against the other brands. Lady X parades around in her fetish wear and takes on the role of Hitler. This culminates in the titular "foodfight"--at which point we remember this is actually supposed to take place in a grocery store, as opposed to being some weird Nazi/cartoon animal/erotica film.As barely needs to be said, the writing is awful. It's crass and unfunny, with plenty of lines that should never have made their way into a children's film. Sometimes it seems like the writers sat around brainstorming as many grocery-related sexual puns as possible and inserted them at random. And of course there is rampant scatological humor.Then there's the animation. Plenty has been said about it, and yes, it's bad. That being said, the character animation is by far the worst. The blurry backgrounds and Playstation 1-style textures can be ignored after a while, but the creepy, jerky, and absurd-looking movements by the characters are like a slap in the face every time. The dancing scene between Dex and Lady X is particularly ridiculous. The characters are also eternally locked in the same facial expression (with rare exceptions).While it's often discussed how the original hard drives for this film were stolen, and the final redone version is cheap and unfinished, I have a hard time believing the original film was much better. The trailer shows scenes note-by-note in this version, and the voice actors' lines were already recorded. It's flawed in pretty much every way, and would need a complete overhaul to be palatable.
AStormOfSwords13
Welp! I don't what to say. How on God's Beautiful Green Earth did this movie get made? Apparently, this cost $65 million to film, and you'd think for that amount of money the animation would at least look competent for 2013. Nope! Almost everything about this film is god-awful and should be recalled from existence. The characters were flatter than a fresh sheet of paper, the animation was like watching everyone dance like they were high, the plot was a clichéd eye-roll, etc. For example, how did Brand X even find out what who was fighting for and against them? Where did characters A, D, and Q come from and where do they go? Do any of us even care what goes on in the film? The "deaths" were pointless, so this movie was robbed of any emotion it might ever have had, although it probably still would have been devoid of any emotion whatsoever. Seriously, what did I just watch? And WHY was this made? Well, not my problem.There was one positive take away from this movie, and that would be "It's Our World". It sounds lively enough to try and add some life to the movie, but frankly, It's Our World deserved better than this abysmal piece of excrement. That song was the only thing about the movie that actually felt like it was actually in its time period because the rest of it was dated to hell.So yeah, Foodfight can fall off a cliff and into the depths of no longer existing.
