Evengyny Thanks for the memories!

Cathardincu Surprisingly incoherent and boring

Tetrady not as good as all the hype

Ortiz Excellent and certainly provocative... If nothing else, the film is a real conversation starter.

meddlecore This schlock-ridden beauty is a christmas horror gem of the it's-so-bad-it's good variety.The plotline is gold.Nazis have genetically engineered the master race gene into elves buried in an american forest. The man behind this plot impregnated his own daughter, as part of a scheme to create the perfect human- specifically designed to procreate with these elves. Hence, his granddaughter is the focus of an ancient prophecy come to fruition...as she is to breed with the elf at midnight on christmas morning, to bring forth the antichrist and master race- who will rule over the entire world.But she has no idea about any of this...until, well, her friends start getting murdered by nazi occult priests and the elf itself.Up to this point, she's just a rad 80's chick, upset with the outrageousness of this square world...shooting the shit with her girlfriends and getting up to no good. At least when she's not working.One night, she and her girlfriends break into the department store where she works. They plan to party...but are are interrupted with this whole fiasco, before they get a chance to let loose.Now, her, Santa, and her little brother must take on and destroy the elf, before she gets raped and knocked up with the antichrist by it.This film is cheesy as hell, but the elf is kinda cool (though, also totally lame), and its full of awesomely quotable one liners. There's even some tension in there! Meaning, it's pretty much everything you want in a christmas horror this holiday season.Recommended.6 out of 10.

Shaza123 Yes, yes, I know how you're feeling. I shuddered too, when I heard that 'oh so famous' line from this 1989 trash epic. Elves. That's what we're dealing with. Our evil and vicious antagonists are Elves! Not 'Critters', with their awesomely large grins, not 'Trolls' with their unique special effects, not even 'Gremlins' and they look like cuddly little munchkins half the time. No, no, we're dealing with something much more sinister and evil. Santa's little helpers...So what's it all about then? Well, it centers around a teen called Kirsten. She's not a fan of Christmas. She hates it so much, she and her girlfriends decide to do some anti Christmas ritual at the beginning of the film. In doing so, Kirsten hurts her hand and starts bleeding all over the place. This is important, apparently her blood has the ability to awaken the Elf. Not 'Elves' by the way, there is no plural here. There is only one Elf, the title of this movie is a lie. But I'd still much rather watch Elves, then the Will Ferrell comedy.Anyway, our second major protagonist, is good old Santa himself, played by Grizzly Adams. And his beard is only more awesome. It's impossible not to admire his beard. Damn, he could give MacReady a run for his money. I don't know what it is about guys who have beards, but they just seem more manly! More guys should wear more beards.Pardon me I got side tracked, Haggerty plays an ex cop, turned Santa, who plays the father figure, the protector of our dear little Kirsten. And with such an epic beard like that, we know this is someone who is tough. Someone who is manly, someone who might be able to face the evil Elves... oh, I mean Elf. Okay, so there is much more to the plot, but I'm gonna zip my lips. The whole fun of Elves, is discovering the drama and shenanigans all on your own. What I can tell you, is things get crazy quickly. Still haven't convinced you to watch this movie yet? Well, lets see if I can change that. For a movie that's meant to be rated PG13, it has full frontal nudity, harsh language, crotch stabbings, attempted elf rape, and a horny Santa Claus. All that said, this is some low budget B grade stuff. The acting is woeful (apart from Haggerty's), the plot makes no sense (because it doesn't), and the Elf is ridiculous. His mouth is forever open, you can almost picture it drooling. This is one of those, 'so bad, it's wonderful' movies. Highly recommended for some high quality entertainment.

tone143 This is a laugh-riot,right down there with Ed Wood's "Plan 9" for sheer incompetence.I must admit,I've never been sure just how much camp the filmmakers were shooting for with "Elves".I think with films this bad(good),the director just gives up at one point and goes for schlock & laughs.The acting is abysmal(Dan Haggerty's a million laughs),the Elf is a rubber mask on a broomstick,the whole nazi eugenics thing comes out of nowhere near the end and makes zero sense,but as another fellow wrote here,I laughed my ass off.Although I'm a recovering addict,a little maryjane might enhance the experience.btw,the scene where the nasty dept. store manager,Hugh,tries to pay Haggerty in doughnuts,and then Haggerty gets locked out of his trailer,with no smokes..it's like an outtake from "Strange Brew".I laughed until I soiled myself.

brokenlovesongs OK, I'm normally not the kind of guy who thinks bad movies are funny. If I see a movie that is truly terrible, then I may have a couple of laughs, but I will be disappointed overall. That's why I am finding it hard to say, as nearly everybody who has seen the film does, that Elves is a bad movie. I loved it. I don't think that I have ever laughed so hard at a movie in all of my life. Here's a memorable quote. Grizzly Adams, let me repeat, GRIZZLY ADAMS: "Tell me about the connection between the elves and the Nazis." If you find this line at all interesting or humorous then I have to say, SEE ELVES. The story: A Nazi grandfather has selectively inbred to create a girl who, when impregnated by an elf, will create the Nazi 4th Reich: An army of Nazi elves who will take over the world! Yeah, this plot is incredibly stupid, but you have to admit that whoever thought up this idea was a pretty creative individual, and I give him a lot of credit. The movie follows the young girl who is being hunted by a sex crazed elf and Grizzly Adams' character, who is doing everything in his power to try and help the girl. Grizzly is pursued by a group of unknown men who are attempting to stop his hunt for the elf at any cost. This results in an especially gut-busting scene in which we see Grizzly Adams dive roll out of a speeding car right before it explodes. HAHA! I'm laughing right now just thinking about it. Do you want to see a perverted department store Santa killed by a mutant elf who stabs him repeatably in the genitalia? See Elves. The acting is great, and by great a mean absolutely hilarious; it's NOT that bad, it's just really funny. I suppose I am really hyping this movie up. I watched it with a large group of friends who all claimed that the movie was bad, and yet they were laughing just as hard as me through the whole thing. Maybe you will think Elves is a bad movie, but I'm sure you'll get a kick out of it.