Tockinit not horrible nor great

Beystiman It's fun, it's light, [but] it has a hard time when its tries to get heavy.

KnotStronger This is a must-see and one of the best documentaries - and films - of this year.

Brendon Jones It’s fine. It's literally the definition of a fine movie. You’ve seen it before, you know every beat and outcome before the characters even do. Only question is how much escapism you’re looking for.

DevastationBob-3 Cyclone is full of laughs and enjoyment. Bare in mind that none of this is intentional on the filmmaker's part. Because that filmmaker is Fred Olen Ray. Fred's name in the credits is nature's way of warning you that there is some plentiful bad movie coming and that you should take proper precautions. Get a lot of friends that appreciate bad movies together, and probably some alcohol too. Otherwise, you might suffer irreparable mental trauma from viewing the film sober and alone.Cyclone stars Heather Thomas,(most famous to me for her role in the Fall Guy series), as Teri Marshall action bimbo. She lives with the Re-Animator (Jeffrey Combs) who tinkers on motorcycles for some undisclosed government agency. OR maybe it's the private sector, this point is never really made clear, and the script writer probably didn't think that much about it himself. After we see Teri pumping iron with her blonde PT and beating on some yokels we quickly realize that she is the masculine partner in the relationship. She wants to take her egghead boyfriend out dancing at a club that we quickly realize is his laboratory with some slightly different set dressing. We will see this scenery again.However while the horrible horrible band Haunted Garage plays (I thought the song was Double Meadow, but the credits reveal it was actually Devil Metal, my bad) her boyfriend gets an icepick to the back of the head, and she'd be dead too if it weren't for some extra who gets his face slashed by the hit-man's incompetent girlfriend. Gasp! Could this be related to the top secret project he was working on in his lab? Of course. Teri goes home and via a prerecorded message, the Re-Animator tells her about his armor plated, laser flinging, perpetual clean energy super scooter. Now, why armor plating a motorcycle would be a big deal doesn't make much sense to me, sure the bike is fine but the driver is swiss cheese. Also, the energy source is a MUCH MUCH better invention than the title bike. PERPETUAL CLEAN ENERGY. To hell with the bike! Sigh! With such valuable technology on the line, you'd think the bad guys would have their best men on the job. But it's just the bozo from the nightclub and his girlfriend, a more low rent pair you couldn't find. Their vehicle of choice, a faux wood paneled station wagon. They work for Martin Landau, who will appear in ANYTHING apparently. He has promised the Cyclone to shady Asian businessmen, though it does seem that they are more interested in the power source. Teri gets visited by some government types who apparently work for the same agency as her ex-living boyfriend. They want the bike, but Re-Animator has already told her the only person she can deliver it too is the aptly named Bob Jenkins. After a crash course in super motorcycle safety, she proceeds to do so, to the tune of a song called "Edge of the Night" which I only mention because if Phil Collins wanted to, he would have a pretty good lawsuit against whoever wrote it. It sounds a LOT like In the Air Tonight. However, before Bob Jenkins can get it to safety, he gets shot by Inept Hit-man #1 and crossbow-ed by Inept Hit-man #2. Neither deciding that Teri is important enough to kill I guess. Instead of blasting them with the supercycle, we have a brief station wagon chase-Cyclone chase which ends with Teri escaping.She hides out with her PT but...SPOILERS...she works for the bad guys! And so does...SPOILERS...one of the feds that spoke to Teri earlier! And they all know the inept Hit men! They take Teri to their secret arms dealer HQ which is...her boyfriend's lab/dance club with some boxes piled up in it, and in a vain excuse to show Heather arch her back and scream, they give her the old car battery electric torture. I was kind of surprised at this, until I remember that Teri is just a masculine character played by an actress. She's tough enough to take it until she is saved by the other female agent who shoots the bad agent as they make their getaway. (THIS WILL BE IMPORTANT LATER) Finally after what seems like several hours of movie, we see Cyclone zap something with cartoon lightning bolts. Then there's a really big asplosion and some decent car stuntwork. Teri wins, yay. The agent makes a call to her boss that they have the superbike. Her boss is...SPOILERS...Martin Landau? The hell? If he'd just waited he would have gotten the bike anyway. The "twist" makes absolutely no sense. Hell, if Bob Jenkins worked for the agency, he would have just taken the bike to Landau anyway. Maybe they needed to downsize. I dunno.So, Cyclone. Bad movie. Good to watch with people who like bad movies.

Scarecrow-88 There are more villains than you can shake a stick at in Fred Olen Ray's fast-moving action flick, CYCLONE about a souped up futuristic motorcycle with extra firepower and uses energy from hydrogen instead of fossil fuels. Everyone from crooked fed Robert Quarry to ruthless businessman Martin Landau want to get their hands on the motorcycle, in possession of murdered scientist Jeffery Combs' girlfriend Heather Thomas. I found it amusing the odd coupling of supermodel Thomas and nerd Combs, how she's more masculine and tough while he's the cerebral, non-violent type..this as normal a character as you are liable to ever see Combs play, and while I enjoy him in strange, irreverent roles, it was, I must admit, nice to see him as the tragic victim instead of the diabolical fiend. Thomas, to be honest, wasn't exactly hired for her acting chops, but boy does she look mighty nice in a tight pair of jeans. The real star is obviously the titular star vehicle everyone covets, with Thomas caught in unfortunate circumstances..I mean she isn't even truly able to grieve for her loss because her life is immediately threatened, not to mention there's no one she can trust(even someone she thought was her friend betrays her). As an arms dealer, Landau has foreign clientèle, and a certain, special transformer, worth a valuable amount, is of top priority to a high-paying buyer with demands to have it at a specific time..the transformer itself is of more value than the motorcycle, although the device was created for the vehicle. Martine Beswicke is a good fed who lends Thomas some much needed support.Included is something I always enjoy in an action movie from time to time, Thomas kicking the asses of some punk douchebags giving her a hard time. We even get to see Thomas engaged in fisticuffs with Ashley Ferrare, not your typical catfight(not hairpulling and rolling on the ground between these two). Solid car chases/crashes and explosions..some impressive stunt work. Most of the weaponry on the motorcycle is animated: visible electric bolts which destroy whatever is targeted. The helmet is even rigged with bolts that blast targets selected(a phone book is pulverized and a victim is set on fire)! Combs' part may be too minor for his fans..this is a star vehicle designed for Thomas. Landau has pretty much a glorified supporting role(probably ten minutes, but he makes the most of his time on screen as does the always reliable Quarry). Dar Robinson and Dawn Highsmith have colorful heavy roles as Landau's hired assassins; they really enjoy their work. I must admit that there's a nostalgic value attached to this movie as I used to watch it on HBO as a kid so maybe CYCLONE works for me in that regard. I don't think it is as bad as many others do, and consider it a rather accomplished Fred Olen Ray vehicle. Maybe the special effects are a bit dated, but it was 1987 after all. Seeing Beswicke firing a machine gun while trying to evade Landau's stooges in a station wagon is worth the price of a rental alone.

Skutter-2 Cyclone is a piece of dreck with little redeeming value, even on the so bad its entertaining front. A friend of mine took the tape from an overflowing St. Vincent DePaul clothes bin. Okay, that may be a little bit dodgy but it was meant to be a clothes bin, not a crappy old VHS bin, something the less fortunate members of our society don't really need to make their lives better. It could be considered a mercy. Watching a movie like Cyclone would really only add to their problems. Anyway the basic premise of a woman with a super-powerful motorcycle that it armed to the teeth with rockets and lasers isn't even properly exploited. The two 'high speed' chase sequences involve vehicles travelling at less than hair raising speeds of around 40 KMPH and a super-fast motorcycle that is in danger of being overtaken by a crappy old station wagon is not that awe inspiring when you get down to it. There is only one scene where the bikes goofy weaponry is used, at the film's climax, and it is laughably ineffectual, or just laughable, when it is. This includes laser beams that look like they should be coming out of the hands of an evil wizard in a cheesy eighties sword and sorcery that produced large bursts of flame which seem to have no noticeable effect on their targets even when they hit directly. The rest of the movie is just tedious hard to watch filler. Lots of bad actors, yes even Combs and Landau suck in this, most of whom seem like they have been lifted from the set of a porno movie stand around exchanging really bad dialogue in a desperate attempt to pus forward the barely coherent plot. There are a few badly staged fight sequences and some excruciatingly unfunny comic relief scenes with some cops and the owner of the motor cycle repair shop. Comedy of the sub Benny Hill horny old man can't stop staring at the female leads chest variety. Basically the 'money' scenes involving the bike actually doing stuff are few and lame and the rest is clunky filler material. Skip it.

John Seal Wow! Fred Olen Ray outdid himself with the casting of Cyclone.We get Russ 'Satan's Sadists' Tamblyn, Jeffrey 'Re-Animator' Combs, Martine 'Prehistoric Women' Beswick, Robert 'Count Yorga' Quarry, Huntz 'Sach' Hall, Martin 'Bela Lugosi' Landau, Troy 'I Know What You Did' Donahue, and Heather, er, 'Dukes of Hazzard' Thomas, all in one movie!The story is ridiculous and the movie is unwatchable, but who cares!