Teringer An Exercise In Nonsense

Mischa Redfern I didn’t really have many expectations going into the movie (good or bad), but I actually really enjoyed it. I really liked the characters and the banter between them.

Usamah Harvey The film's masterful storytelling did its job. The message was clear. No need to overdo.

Adeel Hail Unshakable, witty and deeply felt, the film will be paying emotional dividends for a long, long time.

HumanoidOfFlesh "Meatcleaver Massacre" starts with long occult monologue of British horror legend Christopher Lee.A famous professor of occultism named Cantrell and his family is attacked in their home by four knives wielding students.Proffesor survives the attack,but his entire family is murdered.Whilst lying and vegetating in his hospital bed Cantrell summons an old Gaelic god to take vengeance on the murderers.And guess what?The killers begin to die one by one in some rather psychedelic ways for example one of them is killed by film projector.Incredibly cheap and delirious horror flick which rarely makes sense.There are some downright hilarious scenes and quite disturbing hallucinations throughout.The atmosphere is strikingly dreamy and nightmarish sometimes.The acting is awful and there is no meatcleaver massacre.6 rusty meatcleavers out of 10 and that's being generous.

Vomitron_G Man, what can I say about this film...? First off, I laughed pretty hard with that sequence where the guy's about to commit suicide and then calls it off because he's running late for work. But this film is not a comedy.Secondly, I have to disagree with Coventry - my good friend who also wrote something about this film on these pages - when he said that "Funny Man" (1994) is a worse film than "Meatcleaver Massacre". I know I'm not supposed to comment on other people's writings on here, but I'm sure he'll forgive me. While "Funny Man" does star Christopher Lee in nothing more than a (rather similar) cameo, it's pretty clear that Lee knew this time what kind of film he was doing it for. Also, the two films are completely incomparable. "Funny Man" obviously is an intended horror-comedy that wants to be ridiculous & gory at the same time. Just imagine a film like Ken Russel's "Gothic" featuring a villain like "Rumpelstiltskin" or "Leprechaun" with a bad case of Freddy Krueger one-liners thrown in the mix. It has a few surreal sets, quite a bit of stupid humor and a bit of blood, splatter & guts in it. Admittedly, not everything works in this B-movie, but some stuff does, while in "Meatcleaver Massacre"......virtually everything results in below par dreck, meaning: It's actually a worse film. Furthermore, the film plays it dead-serious - I expected no less from this one - and that makes it all the more painful. However, I have a couple of good things to say about it. Mainly about some imagery and the way it was shot & edited. The 'dream sequences' prior to the death scenes had something to them. They were like sequences of experimental film-making edited into the film. They felt completely out of place, but I did find them the most enjoyable parts of the movie. Even had me thinking about the 'tripping scene' on the graveyard in "Easy Rider". The (rudimentary) editing, at times, features cross-cutting & the juxtapositioning of certain images.But the film itself, is complete drivel without even an attempt at a storyline to make it a bit more coherent. However, it still is the kind of drivel - barely, I might add - that is manageable to sit through. To me, it felt like "Death Wish" & "House on the Edge of the Park" (for some reason Larry Justin had me thinking of David Hess) teaming up with Lucio Fulci's "Aenigma", while possible directed by a senile Ed Wood on drugs. I realize that saying this, might draw die-hard fans of exploitation horror only closer to this film. And exactly for those folks, "Meatcleaver Massacre" might be worth a watch. Other people, just steer clear away from it. Also know as "Hollywood Meat Cleaver Massacre", this film is absolutely nothing along the lines of "The Texas Chain Saw Massacre", just in case you should wonder (and that's another sign of how shameless the producers of this wretched film were).While lacking a decent story, the whole film is pretty much nothing more than 3 (or 4, depending how you look at it) death scenes with useless filler material in between. As a bonus you get the violence against the professor & his family at the beginning of the film, which really isn't much to write home about either. They didn't even rape the daughter (just a quick shower-shot from behind, filmed through tainted glass). Harsh thing to say, maybe, but what else would sick-minded puppies look for in a film like this? They did kill the wife's dog called Poopers, though. Yes, it was called Poopers.The professor ends up in a coma with a fractured skull, but not without summoning a demon (Morak, The Destroyer! The Avenger!) to act out his vengeance. Now - probably thanks to the very low budget - the demon isn't show throughout the film, and this actually works for the better. In the death scenes, the villains are killed by an unseen force and those sequences look fairly imaginative. But some poorly executed blood & gore effects do diminish the over-all effect those kills should have had. Unfortunately, when bad guy Mason gets it near the end, the filmmakers do decide to show us a bit of the alleged demon, and they really shouldn't have. It looked like a toxic bum with a wig & bad make-up. Oh, what's that? This film tries to be clever at the very end? Well never mind that, as it's far too late already.As everyone knows by now, the movie's opening- & closing minutes feature Christopher Lee telling a couple tales of the occult, which bear no relevance to the actual film. I do hope he got payed for his work, regardless how his footage ended up in "Meatcleaver Massacre". And let's repeat something else that everyone already knows: There's no meat-clever to be spotted in this film. But, hooray, around the one-hour mark, there's a bit of welcome female nudity for pretty much no reason in particular. Anything else I might have forgotten...? Perhaps, if you should decide to watch it, try to watch it when you feel up to it, otherwise it might put you to sleep. It's not really a very exciting film.

Coventry The one and only reason why "Meatcleaver Massacre" hasn't vanished into complete obscurity and oblivion just yet is solely the fault of Christopher Lee. This living horror legend appears as the narrator at the beginning and ending of this film and afterwards attempted to initiate a lawsuit against the producers because he wasn't aware for what movie he was hired to narrate. Well, when comparing Lee's monologues to the actual content of the film, I definitely do believe he didn't have a clue about what for the footage would eventually be used for. The narrations at the beginning & end are completely irrelevant to the film's actual substance. Christopher Lee, reliable and stern-voiced as ever, compellingly proclaims wonderful stories about the strength of the soul and how it can be a foreteller of great things to come. I particularly enjoyed the parable about the soul of great knight leaving its host while he was asleep and then afterwards leading him to great undiscovered treasures. Or the cute little saga at the end, about two sorcerers engaging in a magic showdown and gradually involving the entire world. In other words, I actually enjoyed listening to Christopher Lee a lot more than I did watching the mediocre middle-section of the film. If this man would have lectured at my university, perhaps I would have attended some more of the classes. But in all honesty, the rest of the film isn't as bad as reputed to be. "Meatcleaver Massacre" – which doesn't contain any sequences with meat cleavers whatsoever – is a standard and derivative story about spiritual retribution, occult summoning and teenage hoodlums. Professor at college and expert in demonology Dr. Cantrell embarrasses one of his students, tough kid Mason Harrue, in front of his friends. The kid is obviously quite offended because he promptly recruits three of his docile friends to pay a nightly visit to the professor's house. The gang sadistically murders the professor's wife, son, daughter and dog. The dog's name was Poopers, so I guess the poor thing is better off dead. Prof. Cantrell himself survives the attack – though just barely – but has enough strength left to summon an avenging demon from his hospital bed. The demon, which remains invisible throughout in order to save budget and because probably nobody knew what it should look like, imaginatively ticks off the assailants one by one but keeps something extra special in store for Mason. "Meatcleaver Massacre" is a largely unoriginal film with several tedious moments and amateurish production values, but I've seen movies that are a lot worse. The dialogs are quite hilarious ("The professor is lying in his coma like a carrot") and the murder sequences are pretty decent (especially the head-crushed under car hood moment). All in all, this is still a much better film than "Funny Man" in which – to my recollection – Christopher Lee appeared voluntarily!

colaboy7 When I saw Christopher Lee was starring in this film I thought to myself that it cant be that bad. But it was!First off all Mr Lee doesn't star in this film, he only does a prologue and an epilogue to it. The thing is that what he says in his parts, have absolutely nothing to do with the rest of the film.The plot? A teacher embarrasses a pupil who is mocking his lecture. Is that a reason to kill all the poor guy's family?!?!?Then the teacher,who lays in a coma in hospital, and is apparently paralyzed from the waist down, summons a demon to take revenge on the killings. But how can i paralyzed person toss and turn in his bed?And why does the demon, look like the monster from "the swamp thing"???And last but not least, why oh why is this film called "the meat cleaver massacre" when there is absolutely no meat cleaver used in this film??The plot is stupid, the FX are stupid, the acting is stupid. The whole film is stupid. Avoid!