MonsterPerfect Good idea lost in the noise

CommentsXp Best movie ever!

mraculeated The biggest problem with this movie is it’s a little better than you think it might be, which somehow makes it worse. As in, it takes itself a bit too seriously, which makes most of the movie feel kind of dull.

Erica Derrick By the time the dramatic fireworks start popping off, each one feels earned.

Dan P Well I think we're all in agreement this movie is pretty bad. The acting was terrible, the storyline was terrible, and script was garbage.First of all, this plane crashes in the middle of some tribe or something and the people inside (a god-father and beautiful god-daughter) are treated as gods? Really? Then, the dude somehow is able to keep his dignity and his clothes, while the girl fully adjusts to this tribal lifestyle, stripping down and baring her breasts, showing no shame in front of the tribesmen or her godfather.Then she learns what sex is by watching white people in the act? How can a girl who has been so generous as to show her ample breasts not know about sex? Do these tribesmen not reproduce? So later white people find her. What is curious is that neither she nor the group of civilized white people (including her very own uncle) are not at all disturbed at seeing a naked white girl. In fact, her indecency isn't even mentioned.So at the end of the movie, a native (naked) witch woman admits that she only treated the god-father and god-daughter as gods so she could destroy them? What?? All in all, this movie sucked. The 20% of the movie I'm referencing in the title are the parts the naked girl is in (I think she's underage actually). This review should have really gotten 2 stars, but I added a few just because of her body.Believe it or not, though, this actress actually did many nude scenes before and after this movie. Strange right? It seems this pretty little actress loves to be looked at. But who's complaining?

The_Void Jess Franco was a busy man in 1983; directing no less than thirteen films. Even if he was directing non-stop, that still works out at more than one film per month. I can't profess to have seen all of Franco's 1983 films; in fact, I only saw this one and the truly awful Grave of the Living Dead; but on the basis of the two films, I would say that less than a month for writing, filming and producing is about right. The film largely takes place in the jungle and is effectively a remake of the classic Tarzan story, although in this case Tarzan is a woman called Diana. Well...more of a girl, actually, as actress Katja Bienert was just sixteen at the time of filming! The lead actress' age doesn't seem to have put Franco off either, as she spends most of the film topless. To the film's credit, the jungle setting is rather well used; and despite being rather dull, the film at least doesn't descent into absolute boredom in the same way that a lot of films like this one have done. The ending is rather amusing - it's like Franco got so far and realised he'd ran out of film stock so just called for a wrap...though the film does run for over ninety minutes, so perhaps it was intended to end abruptly. Anyway, this film isn't really worth seeing unless you're a die-hard Franco fan.

Coventry Good old Jess Franco! The always-reliable choice of director in case you're looking for undemanding sleaze, shameless exploitation and 200% gratuitousness. Jess once again really surpassed himself with this utterly trashy piece of jungle "adventure". Let's face it, this film is basically just an excuse to have the ravishingly hot (and underage…) actress Katja Bienert parade around topless. It's actually a rather disturbing thought that an innocent 16-year-old girl had to walk around a film set naked in front of a whole crew and particularly before the gazing eyes of pervert Franco! And it wasn't even the first time, since the duo previously already made "Linda" together. Anyways, just in case you wondered: YES, "Diamonds of the Kilimanjaro" does have a plot, albeit a very imbecilic one. During the opening sequences a plane, carrying aboard a wealthy Scottish guy and a girl child, crash amidst an African tribe of vegetarian cannibals. I say vegetarian because they never at one point in the film so much even attempt to consume human flesh. The obnoxious Scot declares himself the Great White Leader and the girl grows up to become the beautiful and scarcely dressed White Goddess. Several years later an expedition reaches the middle of the jungle to get the girl back to civilization and – even more importantly - to steal some of the tribe's legendary diamonds. This could have been a compelling and action-packed adventure movie, but Jess Franco obviously couldn't be bothered. Why shoot jungle chase sequences or bloody cannibalistic rites when you can just as easily aim your camera at a hot young chick sitting naked in a tree? Most of the jungle settings simply appear to be filmed in someone's garden and there's a massive amount of clumsily edited National Geographic wildlife footage in order to fill up the gaps in continuity. The back of the DVD describes "Diamonds of the Kilimanjaro" as an ingenious, feminist and adult orientated version of Tarzan. Yeah right, they just put that sentence there because Katja Bienert's character swings from one tree to another using a a couple of times.

Woodyanders An expedition party made up of constantly bickering and obnoxious jerks go trekking into the dangerous African jungle in search of both a fortune in diamonds and a missing young lady named Diana (luscious brunette looker Katja Biernet, clad solely in a skimpy loincloth that shows off a lot of her hot shapely body) who's worshiped as a goddess by a deadly primitive tribe called the Mabutos. Director/screenwriter Jess Franco crucially fails to inject any style or vigor into the generally blah and meandering proceedings, allowing the sluggish pace to crawl along at an often agonizingly slow clip and staging the infrequent action scenes with a singular lack of skill and panache. The lousy dubbing, excess amount of grainy "National Geographic"-like animal stock footage, groovy, jazzy lounge score, terrible acting, talky, uneventful narrative, tepid soft-core sex scenes, and static photography don't help matters any as well. Fortunately, there's plenty of tasty gratuitous nudity on sight to alleviate the tedium to a reasonable extent: Besides the delectable Biernert, both Aline Mess as fierce, wicked high priestess Noba and Mari Carmen Nieto as the conniving, treacherous Lita are likewise real easy on the eyes. The beautiful jungle scenery is very nice, too. But overall this picture sizes up as barely watchable and hence instantly forgettable swill.