Solidrariol Am I Missing Something?

CookieInvent There's a good chance the film will make you laugh out loud, but if it doesn't, there's an even better chance it will make you openly sob.

Stephan Hammond It is an exhilarating, distressing, funny and profound film, with one of the more memorable film scores in years,

Kirandeep Yoder The joyful confection is coated in a sparkly gloss, bright enough to gleam from the darkest, most cynical corners.

BA_Harrison Having actually enjoyed a couple of Godfrey Ho's ninja movies, I had toyed with the idea of tracking down and reviewing them all, but after the travesty that is The Ninja Squad, I think I'll knock that one on the head: just the mere thought that this might not be the cruddiest of Ho's films sends a shiver right down my spine.For The Ninja Squad, Ho once again takes an old Asian flick and splices in some totally unconnected ninja nonsense (starring Richard Harrison, naturally) to make a completely new product; as always, the result is a disjointed mess, but whereas some of his other efforts manage to entertain by either being unintentionally hilarious, downright sleazy, or both, this one is, for the most part, extremely boring.The non-Richard Harrison material sees trained ninja Billy avenging his mother's death, not through the use of his martial arts skills, but by gunning down her killers with an assault rifle. It's non-stop action all the way, but so poorly thrown together that it quickly becomes very tiresome. These parts of the film also feature some of the worst dubbing I have ever heard—funny at first, perhaps, but it soon becomes irritating.Meanwhile, the newer footage features Harrison as Pink Ninja (ooh ducky!), who spends his day swinging his weapon around waiting for villainous rival Ivan the Red to finish killing other assorted colour-coded ninjas (white, yellow, black and that old favourite, camouflage ninja) so the two of them can clash swords at Falcon Ridge (didn't Joan Collins used to be in that?). Moderately amusing in places (Ivan's golden boomerang and frisbee made me laugh), but not enough to make me ever want to go anywhere near this film again.

Boris Heshman Its called The Ninja Squad...where's the ninja squad in this film? All we see are individual ninjas cruising round fighting each other, because they've got nothing else to do besides meditate and wave their swords around to the same individual sound effect. Then again I bought this film for a pound; so what do you expect? We see the protagonist, Billy, being trained as a young boy to become the world's greatest ninja. After several shots of generic ninja training Billy has become a grown man and an ultimate ninja! Then he starts complaining about how he can't get a job, as there's little work for ninjas in his hometown. Its an unwritten rule that ninja's financial issues aren't addressed in ninja films, but maybe director Godfrey Ho was trying to kick some realism into the formula. If he did, it fell flat on its face with the dubbed Australian and Texas accents against the faces of people clearly from an Asian background. But at least Billy is inconspicuous. His fellow ninjas parade round in what looks like cheap, camp, fancy dress, with a headband bearing the title'ninja', just to clarify. Its terrible. This is why I love this film and you have to watch it!!!

Boanthrope It grates my potatoes when I read reviews on this site that say things like "This is worst film ever!" about films like Battlefield Earth, Pearl Harbour, etc. OK, these films are dreadful and made by people who should know better but compared to this tripe, and its ilk, I would describe Battlefield Earth as a cinematic masterpiece.I would concede that it's certainly possible to make a worse film than this but you have to be genuinely trying to make a bad film.** Spoilers ahead ** (Ha, as if you could spoil this film.)There are just so many things wrong with this film and it takes multiple viewings to spot them. E.g., at one point, John, a good guy, while trying to come up with a plan with rescue Billy's sister suggests using his adopted children a decoy! Also, the bad guy kidnaps Billy's sister early and doesn't think of using her as bait to capture Billy until right at the end of the film.Even the one thing that they seem to have put a bit of effort into - the gun-based action sequences - are bad. They're just boring and repetitive.However, I learnt several interesting things from this movie:1. Wherever this film is set, it is certainly a very cosmopolitan area. The lead character, who seems to have lived here all his life, has managed to pick up a South African accent. The evil gangsters all seem to sound Mexican and/or Asian. The women have an array of different, peculiar American accents. (Were the dubbing actors having bets on who could do most stupid voices?)2. Being brutally machine-gunned down results in no more than slight bleeding from the mouth (and then only sometimes).3. Any slight brush against a ninja's sword results in instantaneous death.4. Ninjas, i.e. stealth assassins, wear Day-Glo padded suits. A headband with 'ninja' written on it is the current must-have ninja accessory.5. Job prospects are poor for Asian ninjas nowadays. (You'd think Billy would have thought of that before going off to spend 10 years at Ninja School.) However, many of the causasian ones seem to have jobs that involve poncing about in glades.6. When a ninja dies, a windchime somewhere falls down.Nevertheless, this film is a hoot. I honestly can't decide if this it is really as bad this or if someone is taking the piss - especially with regards to the randomly interspersed ninja sequences and the godawful dubbing.Thoroughly recommended.

prettyboytim 'Ninja Squad' is a truly bizarre film. There are two main plots - the main one being about Billy, a trainee ninja who appears to live somewhere in Indonesia and whose family is being terrorised by some gangsters. He has spent the last 10 years training as a ninja under 'The Master Ninja' who, oddly enough, is a blond-haired elderly white guy in a bright pink and silver shellsuit. In fact, all the ninjas (apart from billy) are all caucasian and all wear brightly coloured shellsuits and bands across their foreheads that say 'ninja'. An evil ninja called 'Red Ivan' is going around killing ninjas to try and prove he's better than 'The Master'. 'Red Ivan', by the way, has a bright red and gold jumpsuit.In the 'Billy' parts of the film, there isn't all that much hand-to-hand fighting - more of it is pitched gun battles. The brightly-coloured ninja bits have lots of slow-motion sword battles in them, but they're ultimately rather unsatisfying as the effects budget obviously didn't reach to fake blood.All in all a rather odd film (with a very bizarre ending) which was quite obviously a foreign film with some weird ninja stuff tacked on. Quite enjoyable, though.